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| Today my aunt (whom I am currently living with) told me she and my uncle felt that it wasn't a good fit for me here, and that I should find a place of my own.
*sighs* so much for free rent.
I love my family very much and am grateful for the help they gave me, but, I guess it's time to be on my own now...again. I think I'm ready for it. It's been almost a year since my life fully fell apart. It's been a rocky road since then, but, I guess now, it's sink or swim.I need a place within the next month. I can't even sleep right now, I'm so anxious.
Time to put my big girl panties on.
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| So good news: I am feeling much more optimistic than I was in my last post.
Why?
Because I have a plan, and I feel like it's what God wants me to do. I've been debating where I was going to go back to school, and I decided after much deliberation and thought that I am going back to A&M. It's a long story as to why I left in the first place, but, it doesn't matter anymore. What matters is that I am going to finish what I started. I love everything about Texas A&M, and that's just where I belong for now.
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| Today...well, it went well up until tonight, when I had a few cherries, some canteloupe, and some grapes (at least it was all natural fruit!). It's funny...all day while I laid around watching TV, all I seemed to notice were the billions of food commercials! It was pathetic, really. Here is 30 seconds of my life wasted on watching a giant hamburger in bright vibrant colors bouncing across the TV screen....
Tomorrow, it is complete fasting- water and tea only.
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| How dependent is our society upon food? I mean, aside from the fact that we need it desperately to survive...but really. Think of how much of our day is spent on grocery shopping, preparing foods, and eating?
I feel that I am far too emotionally dependent on food. After a long day at work, all I want to do is curl up in front of the T.V. with a giant pint of Blue Bell Ice Cream, and maybe some Cheetos.
Our bodies are terribly adaptive and physically can live without a continual calorie intake for quite a while, depending on how much body fat we have in the first place.
All this to say that I am going to do a fast. I am going to abstain from eating for, well, I'm not sure how long. As long as it takes for me to feel like I have broken my emotional dependency on food. Obviously, the physical dependency will always be there...otherwise, I would die.
I have the next three days off work....it's a good opportunity for a starting point. Physiologically, my body will be switching from using the stored glycogen I have in my muscles, to actual fat, and a small amount of muscle. It's all a part of a marvelous process called ketosis. It's the body's way of preserving the muscle we have by allowing fat to be the primary energy source. The next few days I will feel pretty weak and tired, as my body is making that transition. After I am in ketosis, however, it will, for the most part, be easier.
I plan on actively journaling my daily thoughts and experiences throughout this. I am also going to take time during this fast to pray, and reconnect with God (although I am not considering this a primarily "spiritual" endeavor).
Here's to drinking gallons of water daily, and not ingesting loads of processed foods.
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| So, updates from my life.
1. Dad and Lucan are moving back to Amarillo in October. This means that I am most likely going to be in Austin by October to finish up school. I have already signed up for classes this semester.
2. I am working at Outback now. Tonight was my first night. It was good, except when a lady stood up from the booth without looking and knocked my entire tray and me onto the ground. It's always pleasant having four plates full of burgers, fries, and steaks fall on top of you, and having the whole restaurant stare.
I'll write more soon...
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